So I was going to write a I-am-so-happy-I-have-a-lunch-date post, but in light of a recent IM conversation with a certain someone who just happened to cancel our plans (for the second day in a row), I am now writing a post pondering the magnificent ability I have to attract friends who are complete and total flakes. Hmmmmmm.
I am really starting to wonder if I am taking the opposites attract issue to the extreme. You all know (or those of you who have read any of my site) that I am very organized, punctual, dependable, etc. almost–ok, who am I kidding, TOTALLY–to the point of being obsessive compulsive. But really, can I not have friends who are at least borderline reliable? Is it too much to ask for a little respect? The ability to RSVP? Meet at the time we decided? Reply to that email I sent? Call and tell me you aren’t coming even though you said you were? Invite me over to your new house?
Oh well. I guess this must be my karmic retribution for something horrible I did in a past life. Do you think it matters that I don’t actually buy all that crap?
Alright! Alright! I didn’t come to the friend’s Christmas party even though I RSVP’ed to come! In my defense, the pass was packed with snow and my husband forbade me to drive. But I should have called. And I didn’t. And I’m sorry. But I am usually, USUALLY a reliable friend. I have even driven 2 hours just to have Wednesday night dinner. I appreciate that Carrie is my punctual, reliable friend. And I know she appreciates that I am not always those things. Let’s all appreciate our friend for who she is, okay? : )
Eowynesque: it’s not really Heather’s friends that she has to worry about, it’s their spouses 🙂 Carrie and Heather are fine. It’s me that stirred up this shitstorm.
But seriously, I have have apologized for for calling her "worthless." I was having a bad day and I was upset and it was an overreaction. I often over react in defense of the people I love. Both friends and family.
However, how do you measure personal worth? Do you measure by what a person drives, or the clothes they buy? I measure my friends worth based on the value they put on our relationship. Plans are flexible. Dates can be broken. But how do you feel when a friend decides not to make a planned date, and doesn’t call? My friends are worth a call to cancel, BEFORE we are supposed to get together. What kind of personal worth do you give someone who doesnt think you are worth a call?
Heather is not worthless. Heather is a wonderful person who has a lot on her plate raising 2 kids. And I can appreciate the effort required to get them together and out the door. It’s hard work to balance a family and life. Sometimes its even hard for people who don’t have kids. We all make mistakes, I certainly have, and we can only hope to learn from them. We will see what I learn from today 🙂
Heather….if your friends think your "worthless" get new friends.
Things happen and plans get rearranged it’s called "life" and when our children are small we have so little control over how we’re going to feel from day to day. Sleepless nights with teething kids, or just plain "out of sorts" toddlers is no picnic. Your doing the hardest job in the world, raising a person.
So evaluate your goals, and priorities, and decide if THIS friendship is worth THIS amount of heartache.
Personally, I would walk briskly away.
Don’t forget the "evil finger pyramid", my dear. It’s all for nothing if you don’t break that out. But practice first, it’s harder than it looks. 🙂
And all of you chill, eh? Every single one of you know Heather’s not good at remembering minutae; she’s been like that since I’ve known her. She’s still nice. And pretty. And tall. And BLONDE!! And now I can get flak too, but whatever. Learn to cope or end the relationship, because I get the short end more than any of you (aside from Heather).
I just laugh at all of you people who don’t have kids and think you have ANY idea. Seriously. When the time comes, and you have a really bad day with them, and you got woken up three times the night before, and you’ve listened to nothing but screaming and whining all day long….THEN you’ll change your tune. Juuuuuuuust wait. Then I will sit back, slowly and knowingly smile, fold my arms, and enjoy watching someone else reach "child-rearing-enlightenment".
Ok, I retract my statement of worthless. I realize now that I am in a fowl mood today, and I may be takig this opportunity to vent. I am frustrated with the situation, but its not really heathers fault. And were I in better spirits today, I likely would not have commented at all.
So I apologize for saying bad things about heather. She has been carrie’s best friend for along time, and I should not comment on their relationship.
Ok, so I totally have no room to talk here. You know I have the best of intentions (and I think I’m getting better), but I flake out from time to time.
That having been said I know that having kids can be a handful, but short of actual serious problems, they aren’t going to cause that much trouble as far as maintaining reliablity.
I also realize that I don’t have kids and therefore you may think that my opinion is forfeit, however I do spend a lot of time with my aunt who has twin three year olds. Despite having to deal with that and running a business out of her home she rarely (if ever) brakes plans involving me or my other immeadiate family despite having such a handful.
So for the record, I don’t buy kids as an excuse unless its "the kids are sick" or something else that involves their wellbeing.
Of course a good number of people who read this blog know how good I am keeping plans so I really have no room to talk as far as general reliability is concerned =P
Oh, and you cant get away with sending barney as a replacement. As if carrie having to sit through us making geek talk is any kind of substitution for getting to see you and the kids.
I am so tired of people using thier kids as an excuse to be worthless. The kids didnt say they were going to meet for lunch. Heather said she was and then found something else to do for the kids. Which is all fine and great. Go do it. But dont make plans you cant handle, and deal with the fact that people are counting on you doing what you say you will.
Oh and Heather, this was not just about you. You just happened to be the trigger for the post. No harm, no foul.
So all these excuses are pretty much covering those with kids, but how do you account for those with no kids? Or even before you had kids? Just something to think about….
And hey – I sent my stand-in (Barney) to have lunch with you and Sim in my place! Doesn’t that count for something? 🙂
I think maybe the fact that all of your friends are not as *ahem* "anal" as you is life’s desperate way of telling you to relax and learn to go with the flow. Especially before you have kids, because you could well drive them nuts! 😉 Don’t get me wrong, I love you, and that you try so hard to be "perfect", but let’s get real. Everything can not be scheduled… all variables cannot always be accounted for…and hey, things come up. Now I already appologised this morning, but again, I’m sorry I had to change our plans. You’ll find out how quickly plans can change when you have two kids. Believe me. Not always fun, nor fun for those around, as you are discovering. God, what movie was that from…. oh, "American President", where the President’s helper says something like, "People should assume that my plans are flexible. Nothing’s definite with me until they get a confirmation 30 minutes beforehand." That’s pretty much me. 😉
Um…you don’t have two children under the age of three. Could have a bearing on the case of last minute plan changes.
Relax, no bad karma.