Dear Ana,
Today you turn four months old. Or 17 weeks. Or 121 days. Well, no matter how you look at it, those have been the best days/weeks/months of my life. I now appreciate each and every moment in a way I never imagined possible. Yes, even when you are crying inconsolably, huge crocodile tears streaming down your chubby cheeks, and you cling to me with every fiber of your being. I try to keep in mind that you are just telling me that you need me. I especially want to cherish those moments because I know as you grow up those times will grow far and few between.

You are becoming such a little person now. Do you know how I know? Because in the last couple weeks my dad, that’s Grandpa Larry to you, finally held you. Up to this point he considered holding you “for Grandma’s” but I know it’s because you were just so tiny and fragile looking. However the other day I had you lying on the couch between us and he kept scooting closer and closer to you and finally he propped you up–right onto his lap. Your father and I exchanged looks realizing what a momentous occasion this was! Your Grandpa was finally holding you! Neither of us dared to take a picture, fearing we might scare him off and he would never come back again. So we just smiled to each other and knew that this meant you are becoming more than just a helpless baby, but growing into an exciting real live person.

As you are growing, your physical skills are developing. You no longer have any trouble getting things into your mouth. And so into your mouth everything goes. You are particularly fond of your hands and blankets. I have to watch you when you chew on your tiny fingers because you tend to get so excited that you can get your whole hand! into your mouth! all at once! that you often gag yourself with your long fingers. But even that doesn’t slow you down.

You have discovered that when your hands are in your mouth your repertoire of vowel-sounds change. You like to coo and talk, then stick your hand into your mouth while making the same noises to hear the difference. I am sure you also like the vibration the sounds make on your fingers. You express your happiness by getting louder, wriggling your body, and kicking your feet enthusiastically. I just love watching your excitement physically consume you!

Yesterday you laughed for the second time. I was in the shower and your father came running into the bathroom screaming, “She giggled! She giggled!” He was so excited, not only because you actually laughed again, but because this time HE was the one who made you laugh. I told him a little later that running out of the room screaming was probably not the best response if he ever wants you to laugh again. Silly Daddy.

Not only are you learning, but I am as well. I am having to learn self-restrain on a level I never imagined. When you are asleep in your crib, I often sneak in to watch you sleep and it takes all the power I have to not wake you up just so I can see your smiling face. Or pick you up just to feel your body pressed against mine and have you snuggle your face into my neck. I just love you so much it overwhelms me.

All my love,
Mama

PS Oh and before I forget, I wanted to mention that your eyes are finally starting to change color, but we can’t yet tell what color they will be. I personally am hoping you have green eyes like your mama. So if you want to work on that, it would be great. Just know I am not above bringing up the fact that I carried you around for nine and a half months or the 19 hours of labor…