A little over two weeks ago, on December 18th, I got something I hadn’t had in almost four years: a positive pregnancy test. I was so excited. In fact, I wrote this:

Well, I just found out I am pregnant. I guess I already KNEW, but I was trying to not get my hopes up… like I did several times in the last 11 months of trying to get pregnant. It’s been a rough time so far, but I am sure that by August 24th 2010 (my due date!!), it will all be worth it. It’s a cool, rainy day today, but my heart is so full of happiness and hope that I don’t even notice.

But before you go and get all excited and happy like I did, I have to warn you: this story does not have a happy ending.

Four days ago I started spotting. I tried not to be too worried about it, after all, this happened when I was pregnant with Ana, so I tried to be optimistic. I took it easy, spending the better part of the day in bed watching a marathon of The Next Iron Chef. But the spotting continued. And then it got worse. Finally I decided it was time to call my doctor. After a couple calls back and forth I ultimately was given two options: 1) come in the following day for an ultrasound or 2) wait and see if things get worse. Since I had already waited and decided it was worse, I opted for the ultrasound.

That brings me to this morning. Sim and I dropped Ana off for a playdate with some friends and we went to our ultrasound appointment. The tech started the ultrasound and took a few pictures but decided she couldn’t quite see what she was looking for and wanted to do an internal ultrasound. Once again, this didn’t worry me because I had been through all this before. But as the ultrasound progressed and nothing appeared on the screen, our hopes started to diminish. The room was totally silent. Finally the tech spoke and said, “Ok, here is your left ovary…and here is your right ovary.” And that was pretty much all she had to report. Sim told me later later, “I kept waiting for her to say, ‘and here is your baby’ but that never came.” She said she would send the pictures she took over to my doctor and I would meet with her in a few minutes.

We went out to the waiting room and were soon called back to see my OB. She walked into the room and said, “This was NOT the reason I was hoping to see you guys today.” Boy, do I know! So we basically sat down and talked about what had happened and what we need to do now.

My doctor was a little stumped because there weren’t any obvious signs of a miscarriage; I hadn’t had any pain or cramping with the bleeding and the ultrasound didn’t show a blighted ovum (empty gestational sac). In fact, the ultrasound didn’t show anything. Nothing. I was beginning to think I was having a hysterical pregnancy like Terri on Glee, but my doctor assured me that I did not make the whole thing up. She said it was probably one of two things, either I had already passed the sac without noticing or I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. They drew some of my blood to check my HCG (human chorionic gonadotropinso) levels and hopefully we can try to figure things out. At this point, we are actually rooting for the miscarriage. If I DO end up having an ectopic pregnancy I would get a shot of methotrexate (which my doctor said is basically chemotherapy) that would hopefully end the pregnancy. If that didn’t work I would need surgery. Not really an ideal situation.

So I have to go back into my doctors office on Friday to draw more blood to check my HCG levels. If they are going down, my body is already taking care of the problem on its own. If the levels are going up, we need to figure out why. I am also keeping my previously set doctors appointment in a couple weeks (they are changing it from an “OB” appointment to simply a “GYN” appointment) so my doctor can continue to monitor the situation. She informed me that during the ultrasound they discovered a little unexplained fluid around my right ovary and she wants to check on it with another ultrasound at that time. And the hits just keep on coming!!

So Sim took the rest of the day off work so we could spend some time together as a family. We cuddled on the couch, we got a babysitter so we could go see Avatar 3D to celebrate our 12 (TWELVE!!) year dating anniversary (we’ve been married for seven) and took every opportunity we could to be grateful for the amazing things we have in our life. We have each other. We have a wonderful relationship. We have our health. And, most importantly, we have an amazing daughter who we just cannot stop hugging.

UPDATE: I got a call from my doctor’s office this evening and my second blood draw showed that my HCG levels are down from 210 on Wednesday to 34 this morning. So we are pretty much guaranteed that I had a miscarriage and not an ectopic pregnancy. Whew. If there had to be a “best case scenario” this was it. Thank you for all your well wishes. It means so much to our family.