“Well that’s because Heather has semen in her body AT ALL TIMES!”

“It’s the pot–it’s like catnip!”

“I love that they wear harnesses. That makes me laugh really hard…on the inside!”

“Well if you hit my mammary glands of course it’s gonna hurt!”

“Megan got laid…and Nick got screwed!”

“She’s the sexretary!”

“I love the air quotes around ‘virgin.'”
“Well, is that better than playing the air guitar while saying ‘virgin?'”

“He took on the fairy under-world.”

“We were doing this Christmas thing–“
Interrupting, “Jew hater!”

“Hey, I paid for my car with two big hugs!”