Well, technically 18 weeks and 4 days, but whose counting, right?

Yesterday Simeon and I had an appointment with my OB. We started the appointment with the obligatory weighing-of-the-pregnant-woman and the peeing in a cup. Both of which I just love. (Could you hear that sarcasm? If not, you need to listen a little more closely.) However, the dreaded doctor’s office scale–the scale that so many women come to loathe–has actually come to be my friend. In fact, yesterday it informed me that I have not gained a single pound. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. I actually had to check twice because I didn’t believe it myself. But it’s true. No weight gain so far. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t know how it’s physically possible (as I can no longer fit in any of my normal clothes), but they assure me it’s true. I even asked my doctor when I should worry that I haven’t gained any weight and she actually laughed at me. Apparently I don’t have to worry about that just yet.

The peeing in a cup was fairly uneventful. As I can pee at any given moment with my new “pregnant bladder” I don’t have to worry about having to go on command. I do, however, worry about the amount I can pee. Usually it’s about a tablespoon. I swear. So that little cup can be quite intimidating when I can’t even fill it to the first line. But alas, I have always provided enough for them to run the necessary tests, so I figure I am good to go.

Then came the actual fun part: listening to the baby’s heartbeat. My doctor was having a little trouble getting the gel out of the bottle, so she shook it and of course it took that moment to loosen up and squirt not only across my tummy but also down my leg. Then I was laughing so hard my doctor had trouble finding the heartbeat under my bouncing belly. Finally she found it and I made sure to ask what the beats per minute were (I was in trouble with my sister for not asking last time) and she informed me it was in the 130s. So take from that what
you
will.

Then my doctor handed Sim and I the magical little slip of paper to go and schedule our ultrasound. THE ultrasound. This was the entire reason I was looking forward to this appointment. So we walked up to the scheduling desk only to be informed that she needed to check someone’s schedule before setting my appointment and of course that person wasn’t in, so she would call me later. At this point, I couldn’t really argue, but I was still crestfallen. No ultrasound scheduled. *Sigh* So freakin’ lame.

Ah well, at least my baby has a good heartbeat. And I haven’t gained any weight. I got those things going for me, right?

**Updated: I just got off the phone with my doctor’s office (I finally had to call them myself!) and have my ultrasound appointment scheduled! My appointment is set for Monday July 31st. That’s right, on my birthday! What a happy birthday present for me!

I just now reached that point in my pregnancy where the All-You-Can-Eat buffet is no longer wasted on me. Food (finally!) tastes good again and I can’t seem to get enough. Watch out!

There is nothing, NOTHING, more terrifying than a pregnant lady taking a shower and opening her eyes after washing her face to see the shower floor splattered with blood.

There is also nothing more relieving than while searching for the source of the blood catching a glimpse of her face in the mirror and realizing it was just a bloody nose.

God Lord was that scary! But what a way to really wake yourself up in the morning, eh?

Apparently another fun side effect of pregnancy starts around the second trimester involving my nose. According to my What to Expect Pregnancy Club daily email, “the mucous membranes of your nose may start to swell from all the pregnancy hormones circulating in your body, which are also increasing blood flow there. The result? Your nose probably already knows: congestion, and possibly even nosebleeds.” Oh joy.

Well, over the last couple days I kept getting these really bad headaches. Not headaches like I normally get, since I am a migraine girl myself, but intense pain right between my eyes. Knowing the majority of headaches are either due to lack of sleep, hunger, or dehydration, I was going to bed even earlier, frequently snacking, and drinking tons of water. Nothing was even touching this thing. Finally I cracked and took some Tylenol. (I know, I know. Stone me. I’m hurting my unborn child. But at least it wasn’t crack, right?) But even that barely did anything and wore off quickly. Starting to get desperate and thinking that my baby just wants me to be miserable for the rest of my life, I did what all desperate women do: I went to Google.

After skimming over all the horrible sites proclaiming I had every disorder or life-threatening condition in the book, I found something that clicked. I was having a sinus headache. I retrieved the email about my nose and it all made sense. The email went on to recommend some pregnancy safe solutions such as saline sprays, nasal strips or humidifiers. Since my family always had a humidifier when I was growing up, I promptly pulled up Target.com to do some research (they have great user reviews on products from REAL people not those whose paycheck depends on them pushing this product). Well last night after work I stopped in and picked up my new humidifier, set it up when I got home and went to sleep. And I woke up this morning, only slightly stuffy, but without a headache. Glory be!

For those of you (like my husband) who mock my choice of humidifier, I would like to point out that it got BY FAR the best reviews of all the humidifiers out there. Plus it was (comparatively) cheap! And I figure since this kid is the one creating the need for a humidifier in the first place, I can pass it along to Maybe Baby for in the nursery. Besides, it is really cute and the vapor actually comes out of the trunk. And how can you argue with that?

I am one whole week into my second trimester and have yet to make any progress on getting back to normal. Heh. Whatever “normal” can be while your body is being inhabited by another human being. Everyone keeps saying it is going to be gradual. I know, I know. But I was hoping for at least some hint that thing will start perking up around here. I mean, I am practically the most punctual person I know; I was hoping my body might take a hint and do things according to schedule. There has been no sign of the burst of energy the second trimester brings. No boost in my sex drive (are you kidding? He got me into this mess!!). Nope. None of the fun stuff. Still can’t brush my teeth. Still nauseous. Still vomiting. Still going to bed around 8:30 pm. *Sigh*

So the only real sign that things are progressing at all is my waistline. I seem to have lost it. I don’t quite look pregnant yet (hence the lack of belly shots around here) but none of my clothes seem to fit anymore. I only have a couple pairs of pants I can even zip all the way up. I have given up on button-up shirts due to my ever-expanding chest. I have come to rely on loose, flowing shirts paired with either my new maternity pants or I wear my regular pants with a belly band. Those are about the only things keeping me decent. I have ordered several things online (why is it that stores offer so many more maternity thing online than in the store? Pregnant women need to try things on to see if they fit MORE than regular people who already know their size. Duh!) that I am eagerly awaiting and I think I might venture into a fancy department store in the very near future to get some help with this burgeoning chest of mine. I don’t know how to control it, let alone dress it!

Anyway, so that is about all the excitement there is to report. Just watching my stomach grow while my dinner gets flushed down the toilet. Fun, fun times.

Since I just wrapped up my first trimester yesterday, I thought I should list out a few things I experienced so that the next time I am pregnant (Ha! Look at me already planning to do this again. Fool.) I can look back and know that everything is right on schedule. Also, its fun to share my misery and excitement with all of you who begged for all the nitty-gritty details. (Wishing you could take it back now, huh?) And you all know how I feel about lists. So here goes:

The Negatives

• Breast Tenderness. I actually scoff at the “tenderness” part because that doesn’t even begin to explain it. But yeah. That sucked. Buying a “nighttime” bra with no clasps, tags or anything pokey helped a lot. This just mean I was wearing a bra all day, every day (except in the shower, or course). I even started slipping into this comfy bra as soon as I got home from work because it was a little larger than my regular bras and I was adamant about not buying a bigger bra any sooner than I needed to. I tried to keep that flood gate closed as looooong as possible, cause once you start you just can’t stop.
• Frequent Urination. For those of you who don’t know, during the first trimester the amount of blood in your body increases dramatically, which leads to a lot of extra fluid getting processed through your kidneys and ending up in your bladder. Not to mention that your uterus grows at a very rapid rate and sits almost directly on top of your bladder. Since I have a small bladder anyway, I am constantly running to the bathroom to pee. The disappointing thing is that once I get there and manage to go, I squeeze out about a tablespoon. If I am lucky. Sometimes I just drip. There is no fixing this one. But I like to remind myself that I am getting exercise by running to the bathroom so many times a day. A pregnant girls gotta get her exercise.
• Morning Sickness. Or as we call it in the Bateman household: “All Day Sickness.” Now I didn’t throw up all day, every day. But I sure felt like it. I was nauseous from the moment I stepped out of bed in the morning to the second I crawled back in at night. The only thing that seemed to help was eating every couple hours. All. Day. Long. Oh and the Preggie Pops were good too.
• Food aversions. It wasn’t so much specific foods (besides veggies and chicken. Eww.) as much as it was food in general. Nothing sounded good. Ever. Which made it really hard to eat every couple hours (see above). Poor Simeon tried really hard with this one. He would make suggestions of things he could pick up or buy (God knows I wasn’t going to cook it!) but everything made my stomach turn. Finally my friend Jen mentioned that she was always able to eat cereal and ice cream. Boy did that tip help me out. We stocked up on those things and have been doing just fine ever since. Added Bonus: no cooking required!
• The Spotting Incident. Or as I like to think of it: “The Moment I Started to Worry.” The doctors, nurses, books and all of you guys really calmed me down on this one. So thanks for that. It’s just really hard early on because the risks are SO high and you don’t really feel pregnant. It’s times like this I just touch my breasts, feel the pain, and think, “Yep. Still pregnant.”
• Insomnia and exhaustion. I guess this one wasn’t so bad for me, as it was for Sim. My sheer laziness and inability to pry myself off the couch really got in the way of me doing, well, anything. It was the first time in my life I didn’t care if there were dirty dishes in the sink, if the laundry was washed, folded and put away, or if I ever vacuumed again. And the mounting dog hair in the corners of each room really proved this point. But Sim really helped me out and picked up ALL of my slack. But I am sure I will be back to cleaning like a mad woman once the second trimester is in full force. Not to mention once the whole NESTING thing kicks in. Look out!
• Brushing My Teeth. This was the easiest way to guarantee that I would throw up. Particularly in the morning. I tried everything I could think of: I switched toothpastes, I tried to not breathe through my nose while I brushed. Nothing helped. The worst thing is that as soon as you puke, all you want to do is brush your teeth. Such a vicious cycle! But I make myself brush my teeth at least once a day, so there is always that guaranteed dry heaving (or worse yet-full on vomiting!) to look forward to. On the plus side, I have come to love flossing. It’s good for my teeth and gums and doesn’t make me gag! Yeah!
• Heightened Smell. It took awhile for this one to kick in for me. So long in fact, that I thought I dodged that bullet. Ohhhhh no. Driving in the car became dangerous because we had to drive past other people! And restaurants! That were cooking! And the smells were all gut wrenching. It got so bad, I basically just stopped breathing through my nose. But there were times (like all the congratulatory hugs I would receive from people who had the audacity to wear perfume/cologne) I would forget and breathe in that tainted smell. My friend Chelle bought me some Peace of Mind and I tell you that has been a lifesaver!

And now that we are all depressed and those of you without children are swearing off sex for the rest of your lives….

The Positives

• Two Lines. Taking that pregnancy test and actually getting a positive was just about the happiest moment ever. Luckily I didn’t have to go through the emotional roller coaster of taking the test and getting a big fat negative as often as some women. I only ever took one test that turned out negative and it was because my cycle was messed up and I wasn’t ovulating. But seeing those two lines, however faint, has to be one of the best feelings a woman can have.
• The Ultrasound. Firstly having my doctor verify that I was in fact pregnant was a huge relief. Simeon had started to wonder if it wasn’t all in my head. That and I had only taken one test. What if it was wrong? But seeing the baby, our baby, for the very first time was such a gratifying experience. We had done it. We had finally made a family.
• The Scale. Normally I don’t get on a scale. I prefer to live my life according to the if-my-clothes-fit-what-does-it-matter-what-I-weigh theory. However, that theory goes out the window the second you find out you are pregnant. There is a delicate balance between gaining too much weight and not gaining enough. I was worried that my having to eat every two hours coupled with all the cereal and ice cream I was consuming would toss me head first into the “too much” category. I weighed myself the day I found out I was pregnant just to know where I was starting at weight wise. You can guarantee I was ecstatic the other day at the doctor’s office to learn I hadn’t gained a single pound! Not one. I guess throwing up does have its advantages. (Kidding. Only kidding.)
• The Heart Beat. Seeing your baby on a monitor is one thing, hearing it for the first time is another experience entirely. It can be a little scary when the doctor is “trying to find it” but once they do and you hear that comforting “woosh, woosh, woosh” noise it just warms your heart. For me, this was just another reassurance that everything was ok with Maybe Baby. For Simeon, it was THE most exciting moment. I think seeing the baby on the ultrasound was a little surreal for him, but hearing his baby’s heart beat for the first time brought a huge smile to his face. Afterwards he walked around for hours just chanting “woosh, woosh, woosh” and grinning to himself. It was absolutely priceless.
• Mommydom. Family has always been very important to me. Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to have children of my own. Knowing that I am now working to create my own family makes me feel complete in a way I never imagined. I am going to be a Mother. Scratch that. I am going to be a Mommy. The one person who you can always count on when you need them. The one you want to be with you when you are sick or hurt. The one thing that always makes everything better. I totally cannot wait.
• Daddydom. Over the years, I have witnessed Simeon’s interactions with children. I even admit to “testing” him before we got married to make sure he could handle all the things that parenthood entails: changing diapers, giving baths, changing clothes, patching boo-boos, feeding, teaching, reprimanding, and putting them to sleep. While he is amazing at all of these things, (I wouldn’t have married him otherwise, right?) the latter is where Sim truly shines. He can get a baby to sleep in no time. He has this magical technique that more often than not results in both he and the baby sleeping soundly. I plan to use this super hero ability of his to the fullest extent during those rough first couple of months. But beyond the sleep skill, Simeon is going to be an amazing dad. I know from watching his eyes light up when he talks about our children. Or seeing the smile he gets when he sees other babies and then knowingly looks at me. And especially when he curls up to my tummy to have a chat with Maybe Baby and talk about all the things that are going on in our world. Like that old saying goes: Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a DADDY.

Simeon and I had our 14 week appointment today. I was poked, prodded and tested, but it was all worth it when I heard this:

That’s right. That is my baby’s heartbeat. If you listen really closely there in the middle you can hear my doctor say, “I think the baby has dimples,” because all you could see in that doctors office was our smiling faces, dimples aglow.