Category Archives: Daily

Chest Issues

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I am just going to warn you all, I am going to be writing about my breasts. And for the few men out there who read this (and you know who you are) I swear it is not in a way you want to hear. Ok, you have been warned.

For those of you who know me, or have taken a stroll through the photo gallery, you know that I am not, shall we say, lacking in the boob department. Quite the opposite in fact. Have been since puberty. (Yes, even when I was skinny as a rail, I was stacked.) It’s good fun for the husband, and at times I have really felt blessed for my ample bosom.

Until last night.

Last night I swear I almost cut the damn things off. I was changing out of my gym clothes into pajamas, when pain like no other struck me. I removed my yoga tank with the bra attached and proceeded to pull off my sports bra (yeah, when the girls are MY size, you need two bras– just another fun point). Then my bazookas were left unsupported and felt like they were made of steel. Or iron. Or whatever the heaviest metal is, that is what it felt like. I think I just got used to all the extra-exercise-required-support and that, combined with pre-menstrual tenderness, pushed me over the edge.

I seriously had to hold my ta-ta’s with my arm while I proceeded to undress. My knockers could not go unsupported for longer that five seconds without feeling like the sheer weight of themselves would tear them from my body. I kid you not. Ouch!

Sim was watching the whole thing in agonizing horror, totally powerless to help his whining wife with the pain. I quickly, but carefully, jumped into bed to relieve the burdens of gravity and sighed with relief. So. Not. Fun. But all this does is further support the fact that once I have finished having babies, and my boobs are no longer a means of food production, and the physical damage of breastfeeding has taken it’s toll (which can be quite lovely I have heard), I am totally planning to have my knockers reduced. Don’t think I won’t ask the doc to bring ’em back up to where they used to be. Ya know, while he’s in there.

Day at the Zoo

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I made it to the zoo. And it was wonderful. Everything I hoped it would be. Friday afternoon Heather and I packed up the munchkins and headed out to see all the glorious animals.

We ventured along the winding paths that lead from the “Artic” or to the “Rainforest.” We hiked the steep terrain leading from one animal to the next surrounded by giggling, excited children anxious to peak through the bars at the next exhibit.

But somewhere along the line, I think we joined them. Despite the fact that we were pushing a sleeping Emery, or making sure Lindsay didn’t get too far ahead of us, I think Heather and I had just as much fun as the kids.

As we encountered the photo opportunities of Lindsay “petting” the animals through the glass, or posing on animal statues, or even animals just too cute to ignore, Lindsay started wanted to “take pit-chers, too.”

Enjoy the rest of the fun pictures from our day at the zoo!

“Wake up cousin! We’re going to the zoo!”

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Heather just IMed me and asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo with her and the kids today. She couldn’t see me, but my eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. I just love the zoo. It is one of the rare things that truly makes me feel like a kid again. The pure innocence of a place so filled with intrigue, excitement and energy.

Sure, by the time we are done, the energy will most likely be gone, but the memories are there forever. Hopefully this time I will have my trusty camera along for the trip and you can all share in my adventures as well.

So stay tuned. Weather permitting; I am going to the zoo today! And if I do, there are gonna be pictures to prove it.

Things I learned during dinner last night

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…that I still don’t like brussel sprouts. Not even the baby ones.

…that I do, however, enjoy a well barbequed steak. Mmmmmm. Red meat.

…that multi-vitamins are SO out; it’s all about the poly-vitamins.

…that Europeans have finally beaten us Americans at becoming truly lazy. Particularly when it comes to parking cars.

…that a toddler will stand in the middle of a room and flail his arms like a falling bird when he randomly starts pushing buttons on the TV and static blares from the speakers.

…that no matter how hard adults try, we can make anything dirty. Anything.

…that if the ladies want to have a conversation without the men, all we have to do is look directly at each other and say, “So…” and the men will quickly disappear.

…that anything in sign language can be used as an insult if the other person doesn’t know what you are saying, specifically “train.”

Today’s To Do List

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To Do:

  1. Read my email
  2. Read my boss’ email
  3. Read daily blogs
  4. Update my charting
  5. Clean my desk
  6. Dust my plants
  7. Clean out food drawer
  8. Update Phone Number List
  9. Update Speed Dials
  10. Dust pictures
  11. Go through pending transactions
  12. Follow up on address changes
  13. Find recipes for cranberry oatmeal bars and meatloaf
  14. Find out if friends actually like meatloaf
  15. Check blogs again to see if anyone updated

Hmmmmmmm. How is it not even 12:30 and I have finished almost all of my list already? Damn me for being too productive for my own good.

All the proof I need that I trained my boss right

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This morning when I got to work I found this note on my desk:

Carrie,
If you have trouble with my computer it’s because I renewed my subscription to Symantec and I probably messed something up!
LH

That’s right. Gotta keep ’em thinkin’ that they can’t do anything right without you. Now that’s what I call job security!

Amusing and Annoying II

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How to amuse me:
Come upstairs after being quarantined to the family room with the other husband, the children, and the dogs while I was hosting a party upstairs and murmur, “Barney is so annoying.” I instantly ask what he did when it suddenly becomes clear you are talking about the purple dinosaur Barney not our friend Barney. Further proving I married the right man.

How to annoy me:
Hit your stapler with the force you would hit an enemy. You know, where you actually wind up to generate more power. Come on, is that really necessary? I think they heard you all the way down the hall!

How to amuse me:
Tell me that you think the hallway smells like mothballs and proceed to tell me this dirty joke:
     Have you ever smelled moth balls?
     Yes.
     How did you get their little legs apart?

How to annoy me:
Meet my sister, Jeni, and ask if she is my younger sister. Ummm, she is eight years OLDER than me. She has an 11-year-old child. Do I look like I could have an 11-year-old child? Wait. Don’t answer that…

How to amuse me:
Ask me if I knew that a couple of our friends are getting “married” at our house tonight, in an attempt to plan an elaborate April Fool’s Day hoax. Confirming that some of our friends really have too much time on their hands.

Things actually said over dinner last night

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“Humans should come with ramrods, just like rifles.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s the prostitution.”

“Nick had a pretty good day-he already got felt up by a girl.”
“…And it wasn’t Lindsay.”
“Had that been said by anyone other than her father it would be disturbing.”

“Lights are off: let’s get naked!”

“Get out the Crisco, grease Nick up, send him down the road.”

“I like you. You have nice…body parts.”

“Wanna carve a ‘tit’ pumpkin this year?”

“Sorry. I just have to tease a Megan. I don’t care which Megan.”

JKR’s Site Updated

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I feel like a bad Harry Potter fan. I have to admit that I haven’t checked J.K. Rowling’s site as often as I should. To be honest, I was getting disappointed every time I checked and nothing was new. (But I still check the CBBC almost daily because they are full of fun, silly info about anything and everything HP) I know what you are gonna say, this just means that JKR is working on the book, but still.

But, BUT! today I was bored and on a whim I pulled up the site. Low and behold, things were different! Subtle differences, mind you, but differences nonetheless. There is new candy strewn across the desk. The butterfly is now orange instead of blue. The portkeys were all new; what was once a gum wrapper is now a pencil sharpener, the pen is now glasses, the hair band is an eraser, the tea cup is a hairbrush. Anyway, you get the point. I figure JKR was bored with the look and had Lightmaker update things a little.

Oh but they didn’t stop at the main page. They added more Easter eggs! I have found six new things (well only five of them give you scrapbook items, but I still consider the sixth one “found” then again maybe I just haven’t completed it yet?) bringing my scrapbook total up to 12. And let me tell you, the rewards are so cool. Lightmaker has gone and made the rewards zoomable (including the old rewards, so don’t forget to check those out again) so they are much, much easier to read. They haven’t managed to make JKR’s handwriting and more legible, but I think I can overlook that small detail. 😉 Let me know if you find any more. Or email/comment if you need a hint!

Oh hold

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Phone timer: 00:05:19

Should I just hang up? Call back after lunch….Nah. I am sure it will just be a couple more minutes.

Phone timer: 00:11:28

I think I can actually predict what song is coming on the hold music next. Gimme a minute…

Phone timer: 00:18:43

Oh. Dear. Lord. Thankfully I have a headset. My ear would be bleeding if I had to actually hold the receiver to my head all this time.

Phone timer: 00:24:34

Make it stop! Please make the hold music stop!

Phone timer: 00:36:24

How the hell can I possibly be on hold this long? Am I even really still connected? Am I lost in the abyss now? Please, please make the hold music stop….

Phone timer: 00:41:03

Wait. Was that a person? Was that a click? Was I just disconnected? I swear the music just faded into a pause!

Phone timer: 00:45:11

So what is a reasonable amount of time to wait on hold, cause I am sure this is NOT it. Ok, I promise myself, if it gets to one hour, I will just hang up and call back after lunch.

Phone timer: 00:52:27

….

Phone timer: 00:59:54

Dammit. I cannot take it anymore. And I know as soon as I hang up, it will be my turn. Urrrrr. Screw it. I need to eat.

**Updated** I finally spoke to a real person today after being on hold for only 40 minutes. But this time I was prepared with snacks and blogs to read!