Pilates kicked my ass. And my stomach.

Lisa M (finally!) joined 24-hour fitness and we decided it would be fun to go to a class together. Since we both work during the day, we were limited to what classes we could attend. We finally decided to try a couple of the Pilates classes they offer on Thursday evenings. This is what we did last night:

Just Pilates Description: Core strength is a vital component of a well-rounded program. These basic mat Pilates and core strength moves will help you build the foundation you need and challenge you to your desired level.

Pilates Great Glutes Description: A basic mat Pilates formula that targets ABS and LOWER BODY. Burn fat, build strength and walk away with a little extra confidence – a workout that will make every move you make a little easier.

While I never claimed to be coordinated or athletic in any way, I thought I would be able to do some simple stretching and breathing exercises. I was wrong. As I was clenching my stomach (“belly button to your spine!”) and flexing my ass, I glanced around the spandex clad room to see the other girls who appeared to be old pros at Pilates. At times my entire body was shaking! My palms were sweaty, I was slipping on the mats, and desperately trying not to tumble over into the lady next to me, creating a domino effect in the Pilates room. All I can say is I hope it gets easier, like the skinny instructor promised.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to let you know that I have found diet heaven, and it comes in chocolate peanut butter form! Erin introduced me to Pria and it was magical. I can honestly say that it tastes like a chocolate peanut butter rice crispy treat. Mmmmm healthy food that tastes like forbidden food. Now that is what I am talking about!

I have always heard that the first few weeks of a new diet are the hardest. And boy am I struggling. First off, in my office we have a candy dish that is always filled with several delicious candies. Right now, it is the bane of my existence. Every time I walk out of our office to use the restroom (once again, the water drinking has its downfalls) I see it. I am determined not to eat a single piece. I would much rather save the few calories I am rationed for something sustainable, as I am constantly hungry. I have set up a schedule, if you will, for Simeon and I to eat meals. We have breakfast at 7am, a snack at 10am, lunch at 1pm, a snack at 4pm then dinner around 7pm. This is to prevent our blood sugar from dipping and causing us to eat unnecessarily. So far all it has done is cause me to constantly check the time to see when I can eat again. But so far, I have not cheated!

Secondly, my desk is right next to the door to the kitchen, which is constantly filled with wonderful smells that make my tummy grumble. Yesterday I almost attacked one of my co-workers for a bagel he was buttering while I heated up my low-carb Lean Cuisine. *Sigh* I have almost resorted to food-napping.

But I think I have a plan! Another co-worker/friend of mine is also dieting (shout out to Erin!). She is doing the South Beach Diet, while I am kind of making mine up as I go. But we have vowed to eat our snacks/lunches together, mostly in an attempt to avoid seeing what wonderful things others are eating, but also to discuss our diets. It’s a support group if you will. We are swapping recipes, warning each other of foods to avoid, and trying to convince ourselves that Splenda tastes better than real sugar (“Who doesn’t love that chemical after taste?”). In fact, today as one of our other co-worker/friends was licking a chocolate caramel in front of us (you know who you are), Erin called her an evil whore. And it was perfect.

My final strategy involved trick mirrors. Last night Simeon gave me a C.H.I.M.P. for my computer at work. While its original intent was to forewarn me of people walking up behind me (I am easily spooked and constantly jump out of my seat when co-workers approach), it also acts as a wide-angle mirror. Whenever I get hungry or think of food, all I have to do is look in the “mirror” and I am determined to stick to the plan! Ewww, I shudder every time I look over there!

Editor’s Note: I do not intend to constantly ramble on about dieting and food deprivation, but its the new year and that’s about all that’s happening right now. Well that and I need all the support and encouragement the Internet can give me!

…the scarf I am wearing as a belt today, while fashionable and trendy, is proving to be quite the hindrance since this diet (I cringe as I type that dreadful word) I am on requires that I drink plenty of water, which therefore necessitates many trips to the restroom.

I’d have to say that other than the weekend (in which I alternated between sleeping in really late and watching movies) this year has not started out so good. First off the shower head in our master bathroom went on the fritz and I had to rush to Lowe’s last night to get a new one.

Then this morning I could not find my cute little black clips (which are requirements for holding back my bangs when I opt for a low ponytail). The ponytail is essential on days like today when I would gladly trade my first born child if it meant a little extra sleep. Instead, I exchange the 20 minutes I would have spent blow-drying for a few more minutes in bed.

And as I was preparing my morning bagel, I slipped with the knife and sliced my left ring finger. This one would not have been so bad, as I am accustom to my clumsy ways, but I cut my finger right in the first bend (you know-the inner knuckle). As someone who spends about 75% of her day typing, a cut in a bend refuses to heal. Each keystroke awakens the wound and deems a Band-Aid not only ornamental, but essential.

Then I made the sad discover that Victoria’s Secret discontinued my favorite bra. They even went so far as to taunt me by putting it in the Semi-Annual Sale catalogue. I was so excited that it was there, as it had not been in the store in months. So I called the 800 number and they told me there were none in stock. So I emailed the company and asked them to let me know when any came available (I covet this bra! You do not understand the bond we have!) Then I got this sad email back:

Thank you for your e-mail regarding our merchandise. We are happy to assist with your inquiry. Unfortunately, the bra is no longer available in (your size). We regret any disappointment regarding this matter. We recommend another great item.

So I followed the link to see the “great item” to discover the bra they recommend doesn’t even come in my size! Bastards!

Finally to add insult to injury Simeon and I went back to the gym. That’s right, we are working out again. Urgh. And since I feel guilty eating poorly when I am sweating my ass off (that’s the plan anyway!) at the gym, we have stocked the house with a healthy assortment of “diet foods.” Low-carb this, no-fat that. You get the picture…and it’s not a pretty one. Hopefully in a few months I will have something to show for it. In the mean time, I have to go stretch my aching legs, change out my Band-Aid, and dream of cheesecake. (It’s not cheating if it’s in your dreams, right?)